Guest Post by Bob Tiede Bob's blog, LeadingWithQuestions.com is followed by leaders in over 190 countries.
Conversations and questions are a cornerstone of our daily interactions. Because of this, we should take stock of how our questions can reflect our personal values. Have you ever stopped to consider how questions can shape our emotions and perspectives?
Not all questions are created equal, and how we inquire can leave lasting impressions on how people feel during a conversation.
Questions Can That Can Corner
Think back to the questions you've asked just this week. Were there any moments that seemed to trap anyone in a corner? Questions have the power to inspire great productivity, but the reverse effect also exists.
Poorly thought-out questions stifle creativity and expression. Some questions make us feel restricted, even judged. They come with implied answers, and we often find ourselves responding with a simple "yes" or "no", leading to no action.
As your leadership skills sharpen, consider the motives behind your question. In suit, consider the implications your questions carry. We've all experienced moments when someone asks us a question that, while well-intentioned, leaves us feeling belittled or underestimated.
Take, for example, you're working on a challenging project, and a leader asks, "Did you manage to finish this all on your own?" This question implies doubt in your abilities and can make you feel like your expertise is being questioned, even if unintentionally.
To Get New Results, Ask New Questions
I recall hearing about a mother in pursuit of connection with her school-age children. Each day, the kids would come home from school and she'd ask, "How was your day?" Their response was simply, "Good."
The one-word answers never gave this mother a connection or sense of what was actually going on during her children's days. So, she pivoted her question.
Instead of asking, "How was your day?" the mother began saying, "Can you tell me about your day today?" Suddenly, her grade-school children were sharing stories about their classes, friendships, and experiences. This shows that how we ask our questions can impact the connections we make, the bonds we establish, and the trust we build.
“Empathy is the key to avoiding questions that belittle. ”
Empathy in Communication
Empathy is the key to avoiding questions that belittle. When we put ourselves in others' shoes and consider how our words might be perceived, we can choose our questions more thoughtfully and foster more positive interactions.
Effective questions often aim to gain a deeper understanding of the other person's viewpoint or situation. When you approach your question-asking with empathy, you genuinely seek to comprehend others' thoughts, emotions, and motivations. This understanding is the foundation for finding common ground, resolving conflicts, and building lasting trust.
Instead of asking questions that inadvertently undermine someone's confidence, consider accessing empathetic phrasing.
Instead of undermining someone's achievements by suggesting you have disbelief in their abilities, celebrate their success. Share something like, "Great job on completing the task! Is there anything specific you'd like to discuss or any challenges you faced?" This question acknowledges accomplishment and opens the door for constructive feedback.
Ask Your Questions Carefully
By practicing empathy in our interactions, we create an environment where people feel heard, valued, and empowered to engage in meaningful discussions that lead to positive outcomes.
Living With Eternal Intentionality®
“And this is eternal life, that they may know You the only true God, and Jesus Christ
whom You have sent” (John 17:3).
Consider Bob’s content. Think back to the questions you've asked just this week. Were there any moments that seemed to trap anyone in a corner?
If given the opportunity, how would you handle the situation differently?
About the author: Bob Tiede has been on the staff of Cru for 48 years. He currently serves on the U.S. Leadership Development Team and is passionate about seeing leaders grow and multiply their effectiveness. Bob and his wife, Sherry, live in Plano, TX, and are blessed with 4 incredible children and 6 remarkable grandchildren. You can reach Bob at bob.tiede@cru.org. For a copy of his newest book with Michael J Marquardt, Leading With Questions: How Leaders Discover Powerful Answers By Knowing How and What to Ask go to Amazon.com.
