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5 Questions the Most Interesting People Will Always Ask in Conversations

Guest Post: This content by Marcel Schwantes was originally posted on LeadingWithQuestions.com and is used with permission by Bob Tiede. I believe you will find this content enriching.

The point is to get beyond the dreaded small talk.
— Marcel Schwantes


You've been there countless times. You walk into a networking event or social function and the first extroverted person drops the suspect questions we've all heard ad nauseam:

What do you do?

Where are you from?

Predictable and exhausting. As you run through the scripted answer in your head, you wonder, "Is this someone I really want to talk to?"

The problem is, most of us are guilty of asking those dreaded, superficial questions that lead nowhere beyond the small talk.

Be the most interesting person in the room

Truth is, we aren't consciously aware of when we bore others; in our heads, we think our topics are brilliant and the person nodding in front of us with that glazed look is fascinated by something interesting to us only.

Regardless of your personality type, there are several things we must do to have the kind of captivating conversations that will attract others to our social circle. I'll follow that up with the questions we want to ask to initiate great conversations (or, if you prefer, scroll toward the bottom to claim your prize).

Don't drag on Basically, make it a habit to be brief and get to the point.

Talk faster Speed up the tempo of your dialogue if you know you talk slowly or often pause to gather your thoughts or process your own thinking; otherwise you'll lose the listener as fast as you can spell y-a-w-n.

Avoid polarizing topics To make a great first impression and draw others to you, stay upbeat in conversation, and don't bring up heated current events around race, religion, and politics.

Show your emotions Avoid being serious or speaking in a monotone -- display your emotions, laugh at people's jokes (if they're actually funny), and be animated when telling your story.

Be aware of body language Smile at people, have an open and welcoming posture, make eye contact, nod your head to acknowledge understanding, and lean in (or forward, if seated) to show interest.

Be a giver, not a taker Some people show up with a taker mentality--hoping to get something from someone, rather than to add value to the interaction and serve someone else without the expectation of a quid pro quo.

Approach every conversation with a growth mindset Come ready to learn from someone, rather than think you're there to impose your "wisdom" on the other person. Approach the conversation with an open mind and see the possibilities of engaging in the interaction to grow and develop as a person.

5 questions that lead to great conversations

The key to creating meaningful interactions. Take your eyes off yourself and place them on the other person. By giving them the attention first, you'll have a clear edge: People are naturally wired and looking for connection and positive affirmation—to be seen and heard.

And it all starts with asking the right questions. So, kill the small talk and ban questions like "What do you do?" and "Where are you from?" in favor of these great conversational starters.

1. What's your story?

This open-ended question is bound to trigger something interesting after the other person gets over the initial shock that you asked it. By opening up a conversation in this manner, you've given them access to speak from their hearts and share their life's journeys, dreams, and goals.

2. What makes you smile when you get up in the morning?

A great question that gets the interaction hopping on a positive note from the get-go. Watch the other person's wheels turn as she reflects on something for which she's excited or deeply grateful.

3. What is the one book that has influenced you the most?

The brilliance behind this question is not the question itself, but the invitation for follow-up questions because of the book's impact on that person's life, marriage, career, or business. Asking it deepens the conversation (and the connection) as you learn more about how the topic has positively altered that person's life in some way. If they're not avid readers, ask about movies or famous people.

4. What absolutely excites you right now?

This question triggers passion. Who doesn't like to speak from their most passionate space? It may end up being their thriving career, a new job, or an exciting new phase of their business. It could be personal: the arrival of a new baby, having beaten cancer or finding true love. Whatever it is, think of all the places the conversation will lead, and the possibilities of connecting the dots with the other person when it's your turn to shine.

5. What's the most important thing I should know about you?

In line with all the others, this question will elicit emotions to deepen the conversation and find connecting points. That's what you're after -- creating space to discover what makes the other person tick, unique, or maybe frustrated so you can offer encouragement or make a difference in his or her life.

Finally, did you notice a pattern? It should be obvious.

You take the initiative and make the conversation about the other person.
— Marcel Schwantes

Here's a hint: You take the initiative and make the conversation about the other person.

People love to talk about themselves. This selfless act of putting the spotlight on someone else makes you the most interesting person in the room.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Marcel Schwantes is a speaker, executive coach, podcaster, and syndicated columnist drawing over a million readers per month worldwide to his thought-leadership. His powerful speeches teach the conditions necessary for creating caring, human-centered workplaces that result in high-performing cultures. He is the host of the popular Love in Action podcast. Visit MarcelSchwantes.com or follow him on LinkedIn @MarcelSchwantes.

Living With Eternal Intentionality®

“He seldom reflects on the days of his life, because God keeps him occupied with gladness of heart.” (Ecclesiastes 5:20)

Meeting new people is an ongoing and meaningful part of life. Which suggestion will help you in developing captivating conversations?

Of the five questions listed for application in conversations, which one seems most helpful to you as you seek to take your eyes off yourself and place them on the other person?

Your comments are welcomed.

A Prayer for a Mom Approaching the Empty Nest

Nothing has meaning without a context.” - Bobb Biehl The context for today’s blog post emerges from a heart-to-heart conversation between two women who love Jesus and long desperately to walk with Him through all of life’s passages. Join us, please. You would fit right in!

My cherished friend and I sat leisurely across from each other over lunch; neither of us felt in a hurry to leave. Months had elapsed since life afforded us the opportunity to be face-to-face, and today our fellowship seemed as rich as the food was delicious.

But alas, the clock eventually forced us to part, and reluctantly we grabbed our purses, slid out of the booth, pulled out our keys, and headed to the parking lot. However, as we drove our separate ways, her question about the upcoming empty nest stayed with me.

This unavoidable, life-altering transition waits on her horizon, and our table topic discussion plumbed the depths of what that will mean. Later, with her situation in mind, I revisited my own transition to the empty nest. With empathy and compassion, I felt led to write the following prayer, not just for her but for any mom facing this adjustment.

“Dear loving heavenly Father,

Everything reminds me that I face an impending monumental change: the empty nest. It feels like mine has been the world’s best job, and now I must contend with unemployment. Oh, Father, when I look ahead, I can get anxious; yet when I look at You, I am at peace. So, for this moment in time, I ask You to please enable me to determine not to go there until I get there. May I not lose the wonder of the moments granted to me now.

With a decision of my will, I choose to believe that the empty nest will not be an empty experience, because You already have plans of welfare and not calamity in store for me. Thus, Father, will You please infuse me with hope and expectation to believe that the empty nest is, indeed, filled with good works, which You have prepared for me before the foundation of the world? By faith, I want to smile at the future.

Between now and then, as the gears begin to shift more and more, will You enable me, by Your Spirit, to be others-focused and not self-consumed? Will You please stir my heart to believe that when I get there, You will already be waiting with Open Arms to welcome me as You fill my empty nest with the fullness of Your Presence?

In the Name of Jesus, I love You and I lean into You, my Rock,

Amen.”

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).

“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10).

“And she smiles at the future” (Proverbs 31:25).

Living With Eternal Intentionality®

“He has also set eternity in the human heart” (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

“I am the same yesterday, today, and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).

Where have you seen God show up as you move from one season of life to another?

Have these transitions been challenging or enjoyable, or both?

How can you find hope or offer hope as you (or a friend of yours) face the empty nest?

Please share your insights. What you offer is meaningful!

Meet Barbara Spooner

England has been much in the news of late with the death and funeral of her beloved longest reigning monarch, Queen Elizabeth II. With my own tea and tears, I sat alone and watched for twelve hours as the world bade farewell to this amazing woman. Now today, another exceptional English lady, of far less notoriety, is the focus of this blog post: Barbara Spooner.

“Barbara Spooner became the wife of William Wilberforce, the leader of the movement to abolish the slave trade. Imagine! Two weeks after their initial meeting, Wilberforce proposed marriage to this remarkable lady, to which Barbara agreed. They were married a month later, six weeks after they met.

They were held as such an example of strength and fidelity that those around them—and around the country—took notice.
— World-Changers: Live to Serve

The marriage of William and Barbara was so strong, so unshakable, that historians agree it had an impact on the institution of marriage in England for the next 50 years. They were held as such an example of strength and fidelity that those around them—and around the country—took notice.

They raised the bar and modeled something for their culture that was rarely seen at the time.
— Ibid

The pair ran against the culture of the time, which said it was acceptable to demean women or to be unfaithful to your wife. Add to that, Barbara’s constant exposure to the public—she was very much a public figure in her husband’s life. All these things combined so well that their marriage—and the strength of it—became public knowledge. They raised the bar and modeled something for their culture that was rarely seen at the time.

More importantly, Barbara had a tremendous impact on her husband. She was his constant encourager, his staunch ally, and his fiercest friend. She helped him carry the abolition banner for the rest of his life.”*

Barbara Spooner

1771-1847

*Bob Beltz and Walt Kallestad. World-Changers: Live to Serve. Wheaton, IL: Tyndale, 2007. Print.

Living With Eternal Intentionality®

"He has also placed eternity in human hearts" (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds" (Romans 12:1).

How did this world-changing couple live counter to the culture of their day?

What attributes of their marriage encourage us today?

If Queen Elizabeth and Barbara Spooner could have met, what do you think they would have discussed?